Steps to Overcome Fear of Confrontation

A complete lack of confrontation may sound like a peaceful existence, but those who suffer from a fear of confrontation know that it can be one filled with unhappy moments and a lack of self-assertion 1. If you suffer from a fear of confrontation, the idea of asserting yourself can be upsetting and frightening, and it can also prevent you from living the life that you want 1. Overcome your fear of confrontation by learning the correct way to confront someone in a civil and proper manner for the best possible results 12.

Choose Your Battles

Picking a fight over the smallest issue is the wrong way to tackle confrontation. After arguing with you several times, someone may discount your concerns or write you off as an unpleasant, confrontational person. At times, when the issue is important enough to you that you feel you need to assert yourself, evaluate the possible outcomes of the confrontation to decide if it's a battle worth fighting 1.

Take a Breath

Starting a confrontation while in the heat of the moment may be one of the things that has gotten you in trouble in the past and therefore wary of confrontation 1. This is because when upset or mad, you likely aren't thinking in the most articulate of terms. When you feel anger boiling up inside of you, take a minute and walk away. There is no shame in telling the other person that you'll get back to him as soon as possible in order to gather yourself and think in a more rational manner.


If you've ever been caught in a confrontation with someone who is better versed and more prepared than you are, you know how upsetting it can be when you don't properly get your point across. That's why you should prepare for the confrontation carefully, according to 1. Gather backup evidence, arguments and concessions so that when you are engaged in the confrontation, you aren't left with your tongue tied against a better-prepared opponent. Remember to stick to the facts and be ready to make your suggestion or request.

Use a Formula

Using a formula when engaged in a confrontation can help you stay on track and on the subject at hand, without being pulled into unnecessary debates and arguments, says life coach Joshua Zuchter. When you confront someone, start with a positive statement, such as "I know you've been working hard lately and I appreciate your efforts." From there, make the statement you need to make and then give the other person a chance to respond. Don't retaliate or make unsubstantiated claims or say anything derogatory. Just make your point or request, and ask that the other person take some time to think about it. This allows you to stay in control of the confrontation so you are less scared 1.

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