Anger is a healthy emotion although the way your 10-year-old daughter expresses her anger may be unhealthy. Parents who have children with problems expressing their anger can't ignore it and are often at their wit's end trying to find a solution. When dealing with a 10-year-old with anger management problems, the first step is to look at the big picture. If you are only looking to fix the angry child, there is a good chance your efforts will backfire and possibly cause more anger.
Seek to Understand Why Your Child Is Angry.
How often do you really talk to your child? Are you able to communicate effectively with your child? Does your child trust you? These are all questions for a parent of an angry child to consider. If you are able, and when she is calm, talk to your child about what is happening in her life. Ask her if she is getting along with her friends at school, how she feels about her position on the softball team or her place in the family. These may be areas that trigger some of her anger. Put yourself in your child's shoes as she talks about her day and try to catch any anger-triggering moments. Once you understand the source of your child's anger, you will develop empathy for her and her given situation and lead to openness to finding a solution.
What is Your Part in It?
Parents often look at the extreme behavior of their children and want to help them to overcome it so they are able to get along in the world. Good communication skills, the ability to regulate emotions and appropriate social skills are needed on an everyday basis. As role models for children, parents are constantly being watched and emulated. Children often react to intense situations in a similar way that their parents do. Take a look at your own behavior. Remember, if you are the angry parent, you are not bad; you most likely need to learn new ways to deal with your own anger to better help your own child.
Speaking to Your Child
Communicate the idea that anger is okay; aggressive behavior is not. Acknowledge your child's anger with your words. Say things like, "I can see you are very angry. I will listen if you want to talk about it." Use reflective listening. In a soothing tone, repeat back to your child what he said so he knows you are listening. Avoid correcting or disciplining during moments of intense anger. Apply consequences when your child has calmed down. This enables him to separate the emotion from the behavior that earned the consequence.
Avoid talking down to your child. Kneel down and make eye contact with her or sit next to her and look out in the same direction. Respect is important as you teach your child healthy anger management techniques. This will boost his self-esteem. Study your child so you know when touch can be soothing. There are times it may set him off further and other times it is a trigger to getting it all out in a safe manner. This can take some time to learn, but the benefits are worth the effort. Keep your emotions out of your tone and facial expressions. Your child will pick up on nonverbal messages and your words will become meaningless.